grrrr

I've totally been neglecting my blog as of late...I've been neglecting most things in my life actually, other than my animals and Pat, of course. But I've just felt thoroughly disgusted with life in general lately. Work absolutely sucks...there is so much political bullshit that goes on in that little diner it's unbelievable. I've never worked somewhere where there is SO MUCH cattiness. The backstabbing is unreal. It really makes you discouraged to even get out of bed knowing that you have to in and deal with it every day. Waiting tables is bad enough, but it can be fun if your coworkers make it so. But I just feel emotionally drained by the time I get home from all the tension that I experience there. It's just getting worse too.

Which leaves me desiring new employment. Which is a problem living in upstate NY where it's rural and work is few and far between unless you want to commute (which I do not) And I'm fed up with the usual jobs open to me. Either food service or retail. Bleh...I'm at the point in my life where I feel I should be going somewhere rather than stuck in a dead end job. I don't have a college degree...I dropped out 3 times, mostly for financial reasons, and now I don't even want to go back to complete what I was studying. And I'm to the point where the thought of sitting in class with individuals 10 years younger than me just makes me want to gag. I'm so over the whole "college experience". I was over it before I ever took my first course. I've considered online degrees...but what to take...I'm completely apathetic to life at this point. Nothing seems to hold my interest.

Even my Etsy shop has left me fed up and uninterested. I find it hard to update it or want to work on any craft projects..even for my own benefit. I'm to a point where I feel a mid-life crisis coming on...but it's about 15 years too early. I'm already covered in tattoos and i can't afford a Porsche...so where does that leave me??? Some serious self-reflection is in order...I wish I had at least one friend here that I could sit down with a cup of coffee and talk to. Mine are all across the country on the west coast...it makes for a lonely winter.

My apologies for the pity party...